Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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