Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
