bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
