I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
