wanna go halves on a baby?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
