Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
