he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
