Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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