u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
