Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
