Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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