it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
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I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.