Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
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She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
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Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me