I CAN MOONWALK!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.