I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds