I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.