he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.