I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
