that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
