she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
