i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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