why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
