My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
