1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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