I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i barfeds in our rink
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize