vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
