I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
