when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
