he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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