Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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