I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
