Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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