I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
FUCK WHALES
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
