In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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