she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
