If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
