remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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