i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
