I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
