I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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