my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
