I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His nipple licking is glorious
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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