The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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