he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
