its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
