I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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