I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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