life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
