If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
