it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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