If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
