why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to