we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....