If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt