smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
