I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom