Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
