My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
