PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
