That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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