i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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