those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's rum buckets o'clock
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