good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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