he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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