John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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