Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
