I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
