please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
