Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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