I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
