After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
