he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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