I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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