i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
