dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
