I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
