I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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